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  • Renee Burns

But really, how do you, like “deal”?

Every now and then I open up an old journal of mine and flip through my thoughts, poems, and emotions of the past...writing has been my way of “dealing” for as long as I can remember.

For some folks our decision to share our fertility/birth/NICU, and now pandemic, parenting story so openly via blogging was a bit of a shock...but for those that have known me deeply, have known that my connection to writing as a way to process difficulties, is far from new.

At present, I am processing the change of the seasons, a year of COVID, and a year of living as the “Burns party of four” outside of a hospital setting. March 8th, 2020 we drove home from the hospital. March 11th, 2020- a pandemic was declared. It’s a LOT to process and “deal with”.

Tonight my husband and I were discussing the different ways people “deal”....or don’t deal...with hardships.

Currently, we’re dealing with 1 twin that is weening off a bottle, moving onto a sippy cup of milk, eating solid food, and walking. The other one is working with a physical and speech therapist to help her learn how to stand and swallow. She still can not swallow anything liquid- no milk/formula/water in her year+ time alive. She can not use a sippy cup, and struggles to eat enough solid foods. This week the GI specialist “threatened” to put a tube back in her to help her stay hydrated. This is just our normal- our “deal” on the regular. Never mind the splitting and crushing and administering of meds multiple times and day, all while I’m recovering from knee surgery.

So, how do we deal? Do we write? Do we talk? Do we move? Do we draw, sing, create, internalize?...As part of my job I help people figure out what works best for them to “deal” with the stuff. Is there a right way to “deal”? I don’t think’s different for us all. Writing is not ”the way” but just “a way” for me.

My hope is to maybe provide comfort, support and/or plant seeds of thoughts...for anyone out there reading my “dealing with it” process.

It’s not new that we connect through stories, and as humans we are all hardwired to connect! (literally- I could geek out on the neuroscience of connection here...but that’s a whole different thing for a different day)- So may you find some connection through my stories. Aa we wade through the next round of specialists, doctors, x-rays, and treatments in the coming weeks...I’m sure the blogging, or in my case, “dealing” with it, will be plentiful!

Anyway, as I write and reflect this evening, I just hope you find, know, or are curious about a way of “dealing” with the shit when it comes up for you... it doesn’t have to be “the way”- hopefully it’s just “a way” that works for ya!

With gratitude-

Mama Burns



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