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  • Renee Burns

February 2021- news of knee surgery equals the inspiration for "#FinditFeb"

So, this is the “first” post as ‘Raising Peaceful Warriors’. Since the January post we've been a busy little family. We did a big thing and went and bought a van. Not just any van...our new “adventure van”. It’s a class B, 17.5 foot long pop-top van that sleeps four, has a sink, a mini fridge, a stove, and racks and a solar panel on top. Yeah, we did a BIG thing!


As we’ve been working to “shake off” the past year, we‘ve been brainstorming ways to put our energy towards the future, travel safely, and continue to work remotely and independently. Thus, the van, AKA: DAVE! (the Duluth Adventure Van and Expeditions). Our plan is to rent it out to fellow road-warriors, adventures, travelers, and others who want to dip their toes into #vanlife. We are SO excited to add DAVE to the family!


DAVE’s inaugural trip was this past week, traveling just over an hour north along the north shore of Lake Superior to ski and visit the grandparents, while also getting to know the van.


It was our first "vacation" as a family of four! It was the first time that my husband and I left the babies for a WHOLE day to share in an activity together that we both love. It was AWESOME!!!! Honestly, I teared up just getting off the chair lift, looking out over the horizon, taking deep breathes of cold air, and getting to go fast...I have always loved the freedom that skiing allows, going fast, close to flying...feeling wind is feeling life for me. It has been quite a while since I've felt life like that...


Then pop, twist, and down I went. Three days later, knee still swollen, I was getting the results of my MRI. Torn ACL, torn meniscus, no use of left knee...'lets get you scheduled for surgery.'


So here I sit, knee elevated on a pillow, glass of wine in hand, twins asleep after their baths...pendulum-ing between "FUCK YOU Universe!!!" and "deep breathes Renee...what is the gift and lesson the Universe is trying to give you now..." I don't have "pity parties". I don't do weak well. Right now I feel weak. But I also feel focused. I have a bigger mission to pay attention to, and that is how I show up as a mother. So- the best thing I can think of to help me put one (good) foot in front of the other (broken) one...is to find something to be grateful for each day this month...and to share it. I am calling it my own challenge to myself- to help remind me that with every "FUCK THIS" moment/thought/feeling I have (which I'm allowed to have!) there also needs to be moments of gratitude....


So welcome to what I am calling "Find It February" #finditfeb ....for finding the strength to have gratitude each day...which right now feels hard. But I'm gonna do it- because, well, FUck You Universe....


I hope that you are able to find the balance between the F-its and the Gratitude as well this month. All gratitude all the time is not healthy, for there would be no reason for it if it were not for the hard...so may you also find the space to let the F-it's flow when you need to....


With much GRATITUDE, and maybe a bit more SPITE currently...


Broken-knee, aka: Mama of Warriors





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2 Comments


hurricanemay
Feb 06, 2021

As someone who has done the knee surgery deal twice and spent months with the ice and elevation thing going on (because the nerves went crazy post surgery) I can empathize... SUCKSSSSS. I can also say that my journaling during that time rook on a life of its own, giving me amazing gifts of insight and introspection, and my self awareness/expression grew deeper than I ever experienced before...


still, I hated it both times for the same reasons you listed. We are very similarly wired it seems, even after all these years since childhood.

I look forward to reading your posts!

gratitude and FU’s are where it’s at.


I just started doing an anger meditation on days I

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cbrechter
Feb 03, 2021

Your knees have served you incredibly well - more than most I would say. No doubt they need a little r & r. ❤

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