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  • Renee Burns

January, 2021- To 2020, the year that stole much, yet gifted more...

Updated: Jan 28, 2021

The year that stole much, and yet gifted more...

2020- you successfully filled me to the brim of anger, sorrow, and stole from me a number of things I will NEVER get back- you stole from me the ability to carry my children to full term, the experience of being a pregnant lady in public, a baby shower, a 'welcome home' party from the hospital, a house full of relatives, introducing the twins to my family. You stole from me the experience of going out into the world as a mother, standing in line at the grocery store with crying babies. You stole from me packing up formula/diapers/etc...just to go out to eat at a restaurant. You stole from me girlfriends coming over to lend a helping hand, offer me a glass of wine as they held my children so I could shower. You stole from me the experience of figuring out how to parent babies around friends and family, while sharing their first steps, their first foods, their first giggles with others. You stole from me the experience of watching "old ladies" make faces and smile at my babies in public. You stole from me the ability to have my husband with me at numerous 1st doctors appointments, procedures, and meetings with specialists. You stole from me the obvious- traveling with my babies; introducing them to diverse sounds, smells, live music, airplanes, different dialects, energies, and colors within their 1st year of life. You stole from me a 1st Thanksgiving, 1st birthday, and 1st Christmas with family. You stole from me pieces of my career path as it had been. You even stole from me running errands as an escape from parenting due to the fear of being in crowded public spaces.

But, Dear 2020- where there is darkness there is always light! Where there is plenty of anger, frustration, and sorrow associated with 2020, there is also joy, gratitude, and gifts. 2020, you gifted me with so much! Increased resilience, mindfulness, appreciation, and strength to name a few things. 2020, you gifted me with a year uninterrupted to be with, and grow with, my babies- to learn their cries, laughs, expressions, and personalities more intimately than I would have otherwise. You gifted me with the clarity to let go of relationships and energies that do not fill me up, and in doing so, you gifted me with the focus to follow my passions, to re-connect with old friends, ideas, and above all, my core self. 2020 you gifted me with a new sense of creativity- finding the simple joys in the smallest of moments, not needing them to be for anyone other than myself. You gifted me with time with my partner, to learn how to co-parent, how to communicate, and how to flow into old spaces together with new roles and responsibilities. But above all, 2020- you gifted me with the growth of my daughters. At the start of the year we celebrated them breathing and eating independently of machines. The start of 2020 I was able to put clothes on my babies for the 1st time because their skin had developed enough for me to do so. I were able to let their grandparents hold them, our closest friends hold them, and I was even able to bath them!

2021, I am excited to step into what you have to offer me, my girls, my husband. However, when I look back at 2020, I do not want to look back and see only the anger, frustration, and hardship, because my daughters, and the 'Burns Family of 4', would not be where they are today if it was not for you. I know we ALL had different struggles, and had different sized "boats" that we were collectively sinking in during 2020...My wish to all who have made it this far down my post is that when you are in the darkness you are able to find some light...wether your 'boat' be small or large, just some light, as we all float into 2021.

Happy New Year. I hope to dance in the light with you soon


1 Comment

Feb 03, 2021

So sorry to hear about the busted knee. BUMMER! You will get past this, but in the meantime call in all the help you can, especially after the surgery! Patience, not heroics, will win in the long run.

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